love more think less

i don’t really know why people write blogs, and really, i dont’ know why i’m writing this entry too but perhaps one day i’ll read it and find out.

i’m always amazed at how it seems as though people can be really different on the outside and on the inside and with a blog, well sometimes people can write about their insides.

i was just reading an old friend’s blog and rather surprised at what he blogged about- his addiction with pornography and i think at first instance what made me want to judge him changed slowly as i read thru the entry to being ashamed to read it. we all struggle with things that maintain a barrier and i’m ashamed i don’t have the courage to break down my own barriers.

tonight at ocf was like focus on missions and prayer and there was a lot said about dealing with your hereandnow mission field instead of just thinking ahead. which is true, i keep thinking of what i want to do in china, instead of letting God open the doors and guide me instead. here i am struggling with my cell and what makes me think that i’ll be able to help plant churches and build up a network of faithful believers in china next time.

c has been a very painful process and often times i just want to give up. but i feel i can’t because some people need to be pushed, some poked, others dragged and if i’ve signed myself up to be in it for God then i should honour him with my ways. okay whatever, random thoughts all that dont’ link up. i think i’m just feeling a tad bit overwhelmed.

hello, what’s your name? are you new? i’m christine!

he looks stunned, really doesn’t seem to be in the right mood today

“christine, can you come and sit with me?” (and i’m amazed also because somehow he can get my name right when his parents think i’m christinA)

“i went on a holiday, i took a big aeroplane to [insert long pause] and and and [and he never figured out where on his own]

“excuse me, my mummy also has that shirt”

yes Jesus loves me (insert cuddle)

and if that doesn’t make me miss him enough

there’s always “excuse me, beautiful hair [pointing to his own head]“

and him plonking himself on my crossed-legs like i’m a big comfy couch (i probably am to that little thing)

and he’s moving on next semester.

so i was talking to my D J and A about drinking just now. and well in a nutshell i think i still feel bad about my actions at times. i’m always already the one who drinks the least and i pray before i drink asking God to please don’t let anything happen to me but i think deep inside, something’s calling out to me not to drink-i can’t figure whether this is the Holy Spirit that God has placed in me, we are after all trying to figure Him out now in O.

so really i came to melby thinking i wouldn’t drink, i wouldn’t mix with people who drank and i’d basically make myself not like people who drank but then i came to know that people around me really do drink much and even those i held in high regard. i guess it was disappointing when i went for HC because i realised how some people had so much alcohol sitting on their kitchen counter and how it seems all fine. well for one my standards have dropped much now drinking seems cool and i feel like i’m still at my growing up stage which i really don’t like to acknowledge but it’s true. i think i probably just enjoy maturity that comes with youth. i was once told that i have a lot of maturity for my age but i don’t know good a thing it was.

last week i saw someone who once made my heart JUMPabeat and i think of all the people i knew we just clicked the most instantly, i started telling N so much stuff about myself that it was scary how exposed i was willing to be, msn would be awesome because i knew he’d be there every night and we really just talked like goodgood friends would, the kind that goes back decades (okay i’ve only lived for almost 2) but there was this twinkle about it but somehow when we started to hang in person things just didn’t go well and i felt stupid for how much i put on the line. well time passed and i reckon he likes S now so hope they’re happy.

i really do mind myself at how i ‘avoid’ people or rather pretend not to see them or look busy just so i don’t have to stop and do the whole formal hellos because i find i have a lack of words. i know right a debater and a law student actually has nothing to say. maybe because i run too many words and thoughts within my own head that i get tired and run out so last sunday was another example when i so obviously saw TTP but looked down and i think what made it worse is that i saw TTP see me too but also looked away. mmm okay i better not say no more or i’m peeling away too many layers- don’t make myself vulnerable!

There will always be poor people in the land. Deuteronomy 15:11a

Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land. Deuteronomy 15:11b

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. 1 John 4: 19-20

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 1 Corinthians 9:25

i’m beginning to wonder what it’s like when someone dies. not so much that i care what will be of me but like if i had to handle a corpse. when a person dies, do i call it a body a corpse a cadaver or by their name? the scary thing is that the dead can look alive like they’re still there but they’re really not. starting a couple years back when i quite realised my popo was ageing and maybe near dying, i got paranoid. because i sleep next to her, sometimes even in the lingering darkness of night i would stare intently at her upper torso, waiting to see if it goesupandfallsdown telling me she was still breathing. i ever put 2 fingers to her nose to feel for any inhalation/exhalation but what if one day it just doesn’t happen. i think i’m afraid of the dead because of how lifelike they are. but then again sometimes i scare myself.

17 Liverpool St, Melbourne VIC 3000

so like there were intentions to eat at a whole lot of other places but having been tickled happy by the prices we finally settled down to eat here, gosh did we take long to explore the city

wanting to eat everything in the store as usual, i couldn’t decide what to get so i shared this gorgeous appitizer thing which included edame peas (my very first time eating them and boy was i fascinated), salmon, tamago, chicken in black sesame sauce and a pork dumpling. it did feel a bit like a poor man’s degustation menu

the other thing we shared was this unagi and egg omelette don oh yum oh yum i love my unagi!

ice cream i reckon i could eat everyday because of the sweet and salty combination that just melts in your mouth- black sesame ice cream, better thatn what you can possibly dream of

the food hunters [:

and after all this eating we went to the asian grocerS and that’s a capital S for 2 different grocers just to shop for even more food stuff man